My name is Sylvia Fuller. In Jamaica, I had a pet name. My pet name is Pampi. I also have a tribal name, which is Asher. I grew up in Jamaica in the parish of Portland.

My grandfather was my guardian, my father, my mother, my friend. He gave me so much love, so much strength. You know, when my aunties, they would come around to visit, and if they were having a go at me for some reason, my grandfather would just give me a little pinch, playfully. That was saying a lot. He was like, saying to me, everything is fine. Just his smile on his face, so warm and so caring and loving.

Even though I didn’t grow up with my parents, growing up with my granddad was awesome.

My parents had left Jamaica to go to the UK for a better life. I had no pictures of my mum and dad to relate like, ‘Oh my mum looks this way,’ or my dad. I had nothing. You know, it was like a mystery. So I used to, at times, look in the mirror as a child and just try to imagine them looking like me.

I left Jamaica on the 17th of September 1978. Going on the airplane was like a big thing, you know, like, ‘Wow! First time on an airplane, is this what it looks like.’ You know? We landed. I was there waiting for my parents who, I don’t know what they look like.

Laughs

Then I went back to immigration and I said to the man, ‘Could you announce on the mic my name is Sylvia Fuller and I’m waiting for my parents.’

I heard him announcing, ‘We’ve got Sylvia Fuller waiting for her parents.’

I saw a man that was coming towards me. And he was smiling. I was thinking, ‘Wow, is that my dad? Wow, my dad is young. Wow, I’ve got a young dad.’

But he came up to me and he said to me, ‘Are you Pampi?’ Remember now, Pampi is my pet name that they call me in Jamaica. I was happy. I was saying, ‘Yeah, I’m Pampi.’

After a while, I get to realise it was my cousin, I later found out that it was my cousin. Couple minutes afterward, I saw two people coming, a man and a woman. And I just knew it was my parents. And then my mum came over and they all sort of reached out to me and hugged me.

I think I expected more energy in the hug. It was a bit sort of, funny, sort of. You know, sort of, ‘Wow, mum and dad, all these years,’ you know.

They only had one bedroom with two beds. I’ve got twin sisters. One of my twin sisters had to join my parents in their double bed to make space for me in the single bed. My brother was there so he slept in the front room. So we were basically overcrowded.

I remember when everybody was sleeping, I wasn’t sleeping. I was looking in the ceiling, looking up in the ceiling and was saying to myself, ‘What am I doing here?’ I was almost 17. You know, I’m maturing into a young lady. You know, I need my own privacy.

Within six weeks, my life went down the drain. I think there was a lot of pressure on my parents, not really prepared for two teenage children.

In the early 60s my dad was burnt up in a fire. There was a racist attack where petrol bomb was thrown into a house where a party was and my dad got burnt from head to toe. So that affected him very much. And during that time there was no counselling. He had a lot of mental issues going on.

My dad used to drink a lot and there were lots of disturbing issues, you know. Issues that I weren’t accustomed to growing up in Jamaica. I did not see the violence, you know.

I called the police once, I felt vulnerable. I saw the lights, and the lights at the time looked really interesting to me like, ‘Wow, all those lights!’ And I’m thinking, ‘Wow, these people really care about me. I’m gonna be rescued.’

My mother straight away said, ‘No, she’s lying. You know, it’s a lie.’

So on hearing that, the police, they just thought I was just someone that was just making trouble.

As soon as they left, my dad said to me, ‘You, you need to get out! Come out!’ In Jamaican dialect, ‘Come out! Me no want you in here!’

The type of person I was then and still am, I just started packing my stuff and I left.

I was a sojourner moving from one place to the next, having some good experiences and some bad experiences, you know?

So I met a gentleman. I met a gentleman. We spent a lot of times just talking about, because we had similar experiences coming up from Jamaica. I liked him a lot and I think he liked me a lot, lot, lot! And we actually came together as one. And I produced five children.

I’ve got four girls and one boy. I love them very much. My grandfather, he was about education. So when I left Jamaica I was, before I left, I was going to high school. But then my life with my parents, you know, the violence and everything was just mad. After that I just, you know, I had my children and so forth. But in my mind I just knew I need to educate myself. I need to go back to school.

There was a college that I used to go in the evenings. I was still communicating with my grandfather and I was writing to him and I was telling him a little bit about the situation I was living in with my parents. My granddad wrote back to me and was saying I should send him the name of the principal that he could write to him.

I’m just thinking, ‘Granddad you’ve done your best. I’m away from you. It’s not your fault now because I’m going through all these challenges. You need to give me the button now, you know. Just drop it, drop the button now. It’s, I’ll take on the responsibility.’ May his soul rest in peace, wherever he is, and I’m sure he’s looking at me right now. Hello Grandad, I love you. Laughs.

I went and done a degree, a BA Honours. Granddad, you’d have been proud of me. And then afterwards I went and done a PGCE. I’m quite pleased with myself that regardless of the challenges, I did not give up.

For my parents, I understand more now as an adult. And when I think of them, I don’t think of them with any anger. Their journey wasn’t an easy one.

I’m a person who looks at life differently now, you know, to say there are no mistakes in life. Your journey is your journey. It’s there for you to evolve. This is how I see it and everything is in divine order. Yeah, I give thanks to the divine source for giving me life, even to go through all those challenges and still have more work to do. And I’m grateful.